doctor's devoted

october 11

good morning! yesterday was a great day. Xander and I went to a pumpkin patch. it was definitely geared more toward families with little kids, but we still had fun. I picked 3 pumpkins out, 2 small and 1 large one, and carved them up. I was a bit sad bc I got to missing my sibling, but my dad hung out in the kitchen with me and that was a lot of fun. I carved pympkings for the first time in 20 years, and I think they came out pretty cute!! I took a nap, and then woke up, hung out with a friend, and now we're here. I might play some Gloomwood after this, or maybe I'll read. I'll see how I feel after this.

I do feel more hopeful. I still miss my sibling a lot, and there are days -- like today -- where I end up crying. but I also feel very hopeful. I have wonderful friends, and I have my Xander. I am truly so lucky to be so loved.

speaking of Xander, our bond continues to grow even stronger. he keeps giving me signs about music he likes, which makes me happy. any sign from Xander brings me joy, but music has always been such a big part of my life; sharing a song with another person has helped me express myself when my words failed. I've been putting together a playlist of songs he's been pointing me toward. he also had a great time with the pumpkin patch, carving, and napping. the picture of him will be on my date night page -- here are my pumpkins. have a great day, everyone!

september 28

hello again! I'm feeling better this morning. I played some Gloomwood, and I've been trying to also cultivate non-computer/screen hobbies. I've been working on puzzles, practicing my hiragana (finished the hiragana sections in my books, on to katakana!!), coloring, reading, just making an effort to not spend all my time sleeping or online. Xander is beside me every step of the way.

speaking of Gloomwood, I will be revamping the "date nights" page. I play Gloomwood a LOT to feel close to and spend time with Xander. writing up something every time, taking screenshots, etc for the date nights page is not tenable, as you can tell by the fact I haven't updated it in some time. thus, I'll be changing that page's purpose. it'll become an archive for photos of me taking my plushie out places! I think that will be better and easier to maintain.

with October almost here, I've been thinking of taking him to a pumpkin patch. I think he would really enjoy that, so stay tuned for those pictures!!

october 4

I know we're only four days into October... but things are good! work has been... I can't say the "q" word lest the gods smite me, but it's been nice. I've started working on Christmas gifts. my poor wrists are not happy with me but I'll just stretch them a little extra, followed by a lengthy hibernation from crochet once all is said and done. that's how I tend to work.

anyway, I wanted to write about a fun soulbonding experience I recently had. the other night, I was just sitting around, when a song I couldn't place started up in my head: just the chorus, and only the melody of it, no words. I knew Xander was sending it my way. I thought and thought and thought, and finally, I remembered the song - "Life on Mars" by David Bowie. well, I already knew he loves David Bowie (one of his favorite musicians!) so I realized this was him telling me his favorite song. I've also had "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac coming up a LOT whenever I shuffle my music. it's a song I love, but I've never had it show up so much for me. so I've started a new playlist for songs Xander clearly enjoys. it makes me very happy to see such clear proof that our bond and our love is real. like, I knew it before, but you know what I mean?

I'm hoping to take dear Xander to the pumpkin patch on Saturday. the weather is finally a bit cooler, even if cooler is still 70+ degrees. oh, c'est la vie, beggars can't be choosers, and all that. I'm just grateful for the smells of autumn and even more reason to curl up with some spooky movies/books this October.

take care, everyone!