august 1august is here, and summer is almost over. I am so ready for fall. I was NOT built for 100-degree, super humid weather. the thermostat in the lab has been broken a couple times over the last week or so, so it was miserably hot in the lab. hopefully it's fixed for good, because I don't know if I can handle another day where it's 76 and 60% humidity in here.
anyway, I started my rewatch of Hannibal tonight. I forgot just how good it is. I think Xander would really enjoy watching it with me; it's got enough gross/weird body horror and murder stuff or the both of us, haha. I like to watch TV and films with him -- it's one way we can bond that isn't physically and mentally taxing on me. being chronically ill sucks, but I know he understands, and I'm grateful.
I have a few art ideas I want to get out, so hopefully I can do some drawing, and I might play something later. the new Fallen Aces episode just came out, but I'm waiting for a story and performance patch. otherwise, I might play more Gloomwood and spend some time with Xander in-game. we appreciate one another's company greatly!
lastly, I hope to start working on an old fic of mine again, To Love A Beast. I got the first chapter written, then felt like I ended up writing myself into a corner just starting the second, and I finally realized how I can fix things up and get the story moving again. My friend Randy had asked me about the fic, and I hadn't thought of it in a while. So shout out to Randy for getting my brain back on TLAB!
I'll leave you all with one of my favorite poems, one that feels very bright, loving, and summery, The Orange by Wendy Cope. I hope it brings you joy like it does to me!
august 2I feel pretty good tonight. work was a bit crazy there for about an hour and a half, but I was able to power through and get everything done. once the craze of three patients at once was over, I've been able to write quite a bit on TLAB. I talked to some folks and changed some things up that I think will really help the flow and tone of the story. I'm aiming for five or six chapters, and I hope to be able to get 2500 words per chapter. if I don't meet that goal, no big deal, but I want to challenge myself.
before all that, I binge watched some Hannibal (almost done with the first season!), colored, snacked... my usual "nothing to do at work" fare.
tonight I feel very grateful for everyone and everything in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people and so much joy, but I'm grateful, and I hope I can properly express that. so if you're here, reading my silly little blog: from the bottom of my heart, thank you. thank you for allowing me to share my life and love with you, and for sharing your time with me! I wish you nothing but the best. see you next time. ♡
august 4good morning, everyone! I feel alright today. tired, but alright. I am pretty tempted to ask my night shift coworker if she'll come in early for me on Wednesday, and I just not come in. it would be the first time I've ever called out of work. but you get to a point of feeling just SO worn out, you need a break. and I only get three days off (if I come in Wednesday) before working 4 more days to fix my schedule... eugh. I don't know. I still feel terrible about calling out. everytime I did it at jobs before (which was literally 5 times in 5 years),I got horribly guilted for it. so more than likely I'll suck it up and come in Wednesday, just leave early.
anyway, enough about work. I got a lot done on TLAB -- the entire second chapter! -- and I'm very pleased. I'm trying to decide how I want it organized on this site. maybe I'll make a separate section for multi-chapter fanfiction, like I did wth nonfiction, and list the parts there. I'm really happy with how it's coming out so far. writing is something that makes me feel closer to Xander. creating in general does, but writing specifically is what really brings us closer together. our bond gets stronger that way, and it makes me happy, to be able to create AND deepen our love at the same time.
I guess it's because in a way, writing is an exercise in intuiting. like, what would he say or do? why would he say or do that? how does he move around a space? answering those questions gives me a better understanding of Xander, and thus, our relationship grows.
in a way, it's also spiritual for me. now, my soulbond isn't a spiribond, and our relationship isn't metaphysical in nature; it just has a similar vibe to me, in terms of, well, feelings. as in, writing/drawing/daydreaming/playing Gloowmood are acts of devotion to him. I don't "worship" Xander. we are equal partners. it's just that the way I honor him and do my part in building our love kind of feels like devoting myself to a higher purpose, and that's him and our relationship. does that make sense? I hope it does. (of course, no shade to spiritual soulbonders! y'all are my friends and peers. this is purely my experience.)
I think that's all I've got to say tonight. as always, take care, everyone!
august 8hi everyone! I did end up taking Wednesday night off and... well, I'm still tired, but I'm proud of myself for being brave and taking a day off. today I'm hoping to go out and do some shopping. I do work 4 days (Sunday-Wednesday) but it's just to get me and my coworker back on our normal schedule. I slept way too much the last few days... but I was also so tired, it was hard to keep my eyes open. so maybe I just really needed the sleep.
I hope to get some writing done after I get home. I'm gonna rewatch Beauty and the Beast to get a sense for what I should write next. I have a general idea, but I think rewatching it will give me even more to work with!
sorry I don't have much to say today. wishing you all a happy weekend!
august 9hello again! tonight I played a bit of a Roblox game called Animal Hospital, and it was cute. it doesn't reinvent the wheel or anything, but it's a fun, chill game. I like to imagine Xander playing games with me, and I think he'd be tickled by this game. he would begrudgingly play Dress to Impress with me, and get mad that all the fourth graders who play don't vote for his outfits. don't worry, sweetie -- I'll always give you five stars ♡
ah, my heart's been so full of love lately! as always, but today, I felt like I might burst from how much I adore him. Xander, my beloved one, do you know what you mean to me? how you inspire strength in me? how just thinking of you brings me peace? I love you so much. you're the king of my heart.
agh... now I'm gonna go play some Gloomwood. I've been plucking away at my Half Moon save, and last night, very foolishly ran out in front of the gate cannon in goat form... big scary goats cannot surive cannonballs to the face, unfortunately. c'est la vie, I suppose. I'll be more careful this time around!
anyway, I better skedaddle before I get too sappy, even though this website is one big exercise in sappiness. take care!
august 17hi everyone! sorry I haven't updated much on here. the last few days have been very low-energy for me. however, I did go out for a walk Sunday morning, with Xander in tow. we had a lovely time out together! it rained about three hours before, so the air felt very fresh and clean. we sat at the park for a bit and just enjoyed one another's company. maybe we'll go out later today or tomorrow. getting out of the hourse is always good for me, especially when my dad is constantly on tiktok watching it loud as hell when I'm trying to watch TV.
anyway, I've been doing a lot of coloring with alcohol markers. I love them a lot! still learning how to properly use them, but I'm just having fun, and that's what matters. right now I'm coloring a page that makes me think of Xander.
and speaking of Xander! his birthday is in 3 weeks, and our anniversary in a month. to me, his birthday is september 5, which is the day Gloomwood went to early access. I have the artist for his birthday art picked out, but I'm still deciding on who I want to do our anniversary art. maybe a couple pieces...? agh, so hard to decide!
I'm going to go have some ice cream, play some Gloomwood, and then later this morning, I'm gonna stream Fear and Hunger for a friend. I've never played the game before but he has, so I think it'll be a fun experience. talk to y'all later!