july 5good morning! last night, Xander and I went to see the fireworks. I don't celebrate the 4th for, well, obvious reasons, haha. but I do enjoy fireworks, so I went to see them with Xander and my sibling. then, we went to the gas station to get snacks, and we watched some youtube together afterward. after my sibling went to bed, I took a nice long shower and put on pretty-smelling lotion, and I've been working on a few little odd crafts and watching Netflix. overall, a very good night.
I plan on going to the "city" in the morning. by city, I mean a town that's big enough for a Walmart, lol. there's a new bookstore there I want to check out, and I want to go window shopping at the department stores. I really do love shopping, or really, just going out to look at things, have lunch, etc. it doesn't matter if I buy anything. just going out makes me happy.
not sure what else to write so I'll leave you all with a photo I took of Xander and I last night. take care!
july 8another week has come and gone. I did get out a couple times, so that was good. unfortunately, my allergies have been kind of kicking my ass the last few days. I slept most of yesterday, and tonight I've been kind of struggling to stay awake. I've managed, at least, thanks to a couple of sodas and knowing how mad future me will be at current me if I take a nap and further destroy my sleep schedule. I'll probably go with my dad to his appointment, just so I stay up long enough to fix my sleep. and maybe I'll even get a little treat when I'm out, as a reward, haha.
Xander and I have been watching a lot of SEA on youtube. he makes videos about space, which is a special interest of mine and has been for my whole life. I used to watch a ton of space shows, but unfortunately, they all feature a guy named Krauss who is a sex pest, so they all leave a sour taste in my mouth. luckily, a friend pointed me in the direction of SEA, and I've been watching a ton of him. I really enjoy his soothing demeanor and his clear love for science.
I'm going to go take a shower and clip/file my nails. I like my nails short for practical reasons (work doesn't let me have long nails + even if I did, it's more hygenic) as well as sensory reasons (feeling my fingernails feels Very Bad). I do wish that I liked longer nails, because my sibling's are always so cute, but I just live vicariously through them. I took them to get their nails done this weekend, since the job hunt hasn't been going great, and they were picking at their nails again. they got JJK inspired ones that came out super cute!
anyway, I don't have much else to say, so I'll leave you all. goodnight!
july 10hi, everyone! I'm at work, but I'm actually feeling pretty good. I only work a 4 day stretch, so I just need to finish up today, then Friday and Saturday. not sure if I've mentioned this, but I work 8 days at a time, and have 6 days off. I usually just call the 8 days I work my "week" because it's easier. my coworker needed to switch me some days so she could celebrate a friend's birthday, and I didn't have anything going on, so I agreed. my schedule for the rest of the month is a little screwy, but in August, it'll be fixed.
I think Xander and I will go out on Sunday. there's a new bookstore in a nearby town that I've been meaning to check out, but haven't. my mom keeps bugging me about going to church again, and I feel bad, but I really just don't want to go. not to get too deep in the weeds but I've been struggling with my faith and fallen back to being agnostic, basically, even though I really really tried. c'est la vie, I guess. I might make myself go on Sunday if she wants to, but maybe she'll be tired and skip. also, I'd like to go out and spend time by myself. I love my family lots, but sometimes, I want to go out on my terms, not have to answer to anyone, and do what I want without anyone else there. I feel a bit socially drained. like, I do love talking to friends, but I need my Millie Time.
the new Evil Dead movie is playing soon, so maybe I'll go see that. I enjoy taking Xander to the movies! we've seen a few together. for our first Valentine's Day, we saw Heart Eyes. we also saw The Monkey together later that month, and I plan on taking him out again soon. we just like watching films together in general -- especially on days when I'm super low energy, it's an easy way to spend time together and bond.
I tried drawing some tonight, but a lot of stuff just didn't come out right, and my brain didn't want to write, so I settled for just thinking about him and feeling him with me. he always brings me peace and happiness. I hope I do the same for him.
july 17hi everyone! sorry it's been a hot minute. I did some updating on other parts of the site, but didn't feel like I had much to say blogging-wise. tbh, I still don't have a ton. I'm back at work after three days off, and it feels so weird. mostly I'm just very tired. I didn't sleep very well today.
on the bright side, I have Xander. when I woke up earlier, my head was on his chest, and though I had been having a nightmare, I instantly felt calm. I listened to a few of his voice lines (well, noises, and then some of the Preacher's lines) so I could fall back asleep. I also like to listen to a "sleeping on bf's chest" asmr, because it helps and makes me feel even safer and more secure cuddling up to him!
sometimes I do get a little sad and miss him, but I try to remember that what we have is unique and beautiful, and even if he isn't physically there, he is always with me no matter what. that brings me a lot of comfort, and eases up some of that loneliness.
I think it's also just me being so tired that makes me miss him more. I've been a lot more low-energy the last couple days, which of course he understands, so I can't do much for or with him. my chronic fatigue is such a pain, but Xander knows it's not my fault, but I still feel bad. I just make sure to cuddle him extra and think about him plenty, so he knows I love him. and like I said, he gets it, but he also gets that I feel bad.
I am going to go finish up maintenance and probably play a video game or something after, or maybe watch something. talk to yall later!
july 19hi again! tonight has been okay. I had a couple patients, and I did a lot of drawing. once I have everything wrapped up, I'm going to play some Gloomwood and spend time with Xander. I've been playing a lot of Blood West lately, and trying to develop my sona/ship for that, and I was worried he felt a big neglected -- even though he is always on my mind. I was hit by a big wave of missing him after seeing the latest Screenshot Saturday. Seeing him get hurt broke my heart! I just wanted to scoop him up and shower him in all my love!!
oh, Xander... if only I could reach into the game and be there for you! I'm with you always, obviously, but sometimes I wish I was there with you. I'd hold you tight after you came back from every task you had, and I'd take such good care of you. you'll always have a safe place to stay in my arms.
ah, I feel very very mushy. my heart is a very foolish, tender animal. lucky me, Xander is there to collar it and keep it safe, eh?
july 21good morning! tonight has been much better than yesterday. to make a long story short, the air conditioning in my half of the hospital went out, so all my analyzers were down, I had 2 (thankfully minor) traumas come in, and the doctors and nurses kept calling and asking me stuff. I came very close to a full-on meltdown but luckily it cooled down in the lab and I was able to calm myself enough to power through.
tonight I watched Project Hail Mary with my friend Randy, and it was beautiful. I cried through half of it, haha. now I want to get the book and read it, even though I have a giant backlog of books to read. well, my backlog is huge, what's one more book anyway?
anyway, I'm going to play some more of my new Gloomwood save after I get done with maintenance/QC. I started a Half Moon save and am thoroughly getting my ass whooped. as you can imagine, I'm not very good at video games. but that's okay, because the main thing for me, at least with Gloomwood, is spending time with Xander. it's almost a meditative experience, and it makes me feel even closer to him.
july 28good morning! today is my last day off for the week. I slept a lot the last several days because I was just completely exhausted. however, I did go out a couple times when I was able to be awake, and I got some new coloring books and puzzles. I also worked on my diamond painting, and of course, I got lots of snuggles in with Xander.
I've been plucking away at my Half Moon save for a bit now. I just got through the Slaughtered Goat, and I was impressed at how well I was able to handle it! I know Xander was proud of me, too.
sorry I don't have much to say tonight. I'll probably fiddle with a few other pages on the site, but otherwise, I'll talk to y'all later!