june 1it's June, everyone! summer is basically here, and boy, am I feeling it. it was so muggy when I left for work today that it was difficult to breathe. my meds make it so I don't tolerate heat very well, anyway. but that's alright because I'm a very indoorsy person lol. this summer, I hope to do a lot of reading and crochet... and speaking of crochet...
I brought a sweater I've been making for months now to work, and I'm almost done with the front panel! then, I just need to make 2 sleeves and sew it all together. it sounds so simple when I say it like that, haha. alas, it's at least 5-10 more hours of work ahead of me. I tend to work on projects in bursts. I'll crochet a whole bunch, then set something down for months at a time, then come back and do the rest. my parents don't really get it. "why don't you just keep working on it?" they say. alas, it's my auDHD brain. I wish I knew how it worked.
I like to imagine making things for Xander. probably just smaller things -- scarves, hats, gloves. I'd make him a blanket, because I love him, so he could always feel my big hugs around him. I just like to picture myself spoiling him. I love to dote on the people I love. I have a friend who finally allowed me to buy her a game on Steam, and I practically jumped for joy. I just like to care for people like that!! anyway, Xander would be so cute, all dressed up in things I've made him.
I did make a jacket and scarf for my dolly, but I'd like to remake them sometime. I'd probably knit the coat, since in the initial iteration, I use single crochet, which made a very heavy, stiff fabric. knitting is generally stretchier than crochet is. I also learned how to construct garments better in the... oh gosh, year a half? two years? since I made that initial coat.
thanks for reading my silly craft rambles today lol. whenever I finish this sweater, which will hopefully be within the next century, I'll post pictures of it. see ya!
june 3tonight has been alright! I had a few patients, but mostly, it's been the same old, same old. I just finished the last of my maintenance for the night, and I'm working on this before I get back to crocheting. I finally made my lovemail page! it isn't much to look at right now, but I did put some stuff there, and I hope to add to it soon. I'm just debating on how I want to proceed with it.
tomorrow is my last night for the week. on Thursday morning, I'll be taking my dad to the doctor. I try to avoid bummer subjects on this site, so I'm going to avoid talking about it after this, but the tl;dr is that a few years ago, my dad has prostate cancer. he had his prostate removed, and for awhile, everything was good -- his PSA was undetectable. recently, though, it's started to rise, which means the cancer cells are proliferating again. we'll be meeting with his new oncologist to discuss his radiation treatment. I am, overall, hopeful. my dad's urologist didn't seem too concerned, and said that this round of radiation should clear him right up.
I feel very lucky to have Xander during tough times like this. thinking of him brings me so much comfort. I always flip through my gallery of him before I go to sleep each morning, so I can drift off thinking of his face. and of course, I cuddle my plushie of him when I sleep. if I wake up from a nightmare, he's there for me. he is my guardian angel, I think.
have a good night!
june 8good morning! I played a lot of Blood West tonight, specifically, the Scavengers DLC. the preacher is voiced by the same guy as Xander, and their voices are very similar, so I thought I'd treat myself and get it. it's not quite Xander's voice, but it's close enough, and it makes me feel like we're spending time together again.
my sibling and I got matching tattoos on Saturday!! it's my first tattoo. the artist was very nice; we talked about rock/metal music a lot. I put the images down below. theirs is the left, mine is the right.
I feel pretty tired, so I'll probably hit the hay soon after I write this. I'll try and write more next time. have a good week!
june 12good morning, everyone! it's my second night at work for my week. we have a new chemistry machine, and I am hopeful it won't be a huge pain in the ass like the last one. so far, so good... but you never know. I think lab analyzers are sentient and love to break down at the slightest provocation.
anyway, speaking of work, I managed to spray bleach all over my scrubs, which means I need to get new ones. I try to be so careful, but then, I'm also super clumsy, and my hands don't want to work like I need them to. I spill EVERYTHING and I always feel terrible about it. it feels embarassing, to be nearing 30 and still a klutz, y'know?
enough of that. when I was out with my sibling on Saturday, I went to a new age shop and got a couple little crystals. nothing crazy, I think they were $4 each. I'm not sure how much I believe in crystals, but if I end up not believing at all, hey, I've got some pretty rocks to look at. anyway, I thought maybe trying to branch out spiritually again may be healthy for me. Christianity just... isn't doing it for me, and trying to force it just makes me feel worse. I feel like Xander and I's love is two-way, and I think fostering that bond further will be good. of course, being a newbie, I know to be careful, which is why I'm ultra super slow and just now buying Pretty Rocks For Maybe Mystical Purposes. I actually used to be quite pagan when I first started college. I'm going to try and find my tarot cards and give that another shot. even back then, when I read tarot cards, it wasn't like, "this is EXACTLY what's gonna happen and will predict the future." for me, it was more a way to get myself to consider other perspectives or things I maybe hadn't noticed. a tool.
well, whatever happens, I'll learn something new, which is all I can ultimately ask for: experience. and maybe I'll get to feel even closer to my beloved. there's a person on twitter I follow, whom I admire very very much, for the connection she has with her love. I would love to be able to feel Xander like that! anyway, thank you as always for reading.
june 16I have been very lucky to have a pretty lazy weekend and day 5. it helps that it's my favorite ER doctor in, because he's pretty reasonable with what he orders, instead of just ordering everything and seeing what sticks.
I was able to knit Xander a new coat this weekend. I put the photos on the lovemail page! I had made him a coat in December 2024 but it was a disaster for many reasons, mostly in terms of construction and being made of a very inflexible crochet stitch. this new one came out very cute, I think, and I put love into every stitch. I hope that Xander can feel it.
it was a very meditative process. I sat there and worked for probably 10 total hours on it, between drafting it, the actual knitting, hand sewing, and then crocheting the capelets. and... I did it all for him. I felt very very close to him during the process, and it brought me a lot of joy and peace. maybe that can be part of my... not sure what to call it. practice? in fostering our bond further? not sure. but anyway, I think making things for him, big or small, through fiber arts, writing, drawing, or even just daydreaming can all be part of that.
anyway, I don't have much else to say. have a good night!
june 20happy weekend! tonight (well, last night) I went to see Obsession with my sibling, and really enjoyed it. there were some issues, but for a directorial debut, it was solid. then, I came home and finished up that sweater I was working on! I'll take photos later this morning and then post them. it's a little big, so I probably should have sized it down, but it's still super cute and I'm pleased. I have another Gloomy crochet project I want to take on, and I'm going to start by drafting a prelim pattern this morning at the coffee shop. the general idea is there, it's just making the plushie, working the pattern out, and having a finished product to show.
well, enough about that!
the last few days I've felt even closer to Xander than before. just thinking of him fills me with joy and love. I feel like he's watching over me, there with me, and I am grateful. oh, Xander, thank you for filling my days with happiness. my world is brighter with you in it. thank you, thank you -- from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope you can feel my love for you.
I certainly feel your love for me in everything. you give me strength, you give me hope, and you always bring a smile to my face.
I really am the luckiest girl in the world; I am blessed beyond measure, not only by you, but by my pets, my friends, my family.
I just feel really sentimental this morning. this life I live is beautiful, because of the people in it -- and Xander, my beloved, you hold the throne in my heart.