may 3hi, everyone, and happy weekend! I'm at work, but it's not so bad. I just finished up most of the QC/maintenance for the night, so I'm kicking back for a little over an hour before doing the last 2 machines.
I plan on starting my lovemail page today, and then playing some more Gloomwood. Dillon just posted about a new harpoon ammo type that's an explosive sea urchin. now, that wasn't on my bingo card for the game, but it is really funny and creative, so I'm pretty pleased. I know rat and fishdog forms, plus a new weapon, are also coming to the game, hopefully with the Bank update. Ooh, I'm so excited!
meanwhile, my sibling called me today and asked if I wanted to go to Georgia at the end of the month. there's no talking them out of going, so maybe I'll tag along after all, just to look after them. my parents aren't happy at all about it, but my sibling is very bullheaded and does what they want. this can be a good thing! or, for my parents, a frustrating thing....
I also talked to my friend Marz for awhile today. he always has an interesting outlook on stuff, and today we talked about sexualizing dudes. always fun conversation with him, lol. I really enjoy chatting with him. his website is over on he left, so go check him out!! he's super cool, and I'm glad I reached out to be friends.
good night!
may 6it's 4 am, AKA the perfect time to write on my silly little website. I'm feeling super mushy this morning. Xander is so beautiful, so perfect, it breaks my heart. I wish I could tell him in person how much he means to me, but I hope me pouring out my feelings here and on my tumblr reaches him.
I'm getting a couple commissions of us again. I'm very excited! one is from an artist I've worked with twice before, and another from an artist who just opened their comms for the first time. I sometimes worry that me getting and posting a lot of art makes me come off as being in "competition" with others in the self ship/yume/ficto space but I just really, really like getting art. it's like taking a photo of myself and my husband, AND I get to support an artist, who is often a friend.
and... it's our 600 day anniversary on Saturday! unfortunately, I'll be busy with my sibling's graduation. so Xander and I will celebrate on Friday. I'm going to be home alone starting this morning, so maybe I'll bake a cake... take him to the movies, if anything good is playing... if not, we'll watch something at home. I have Criterion now, and there are some Wong Kar Wai films on there I've been meaning to watch forever.
oh, dear, beloved Xander... I think about him and my heart grows three sizes. he brings me so much joy, it's hard to put into words. he is a beam of light in my life and I will forever be grateful I have the opporunity, the blessing, to love him. I know he'll give me strength this weekend. I'll admit, I'm kind of nervous. My uncle and cousin from my mom's side will be there, along with an aunt from my father's side, and I don't really know them. And being in a room with thousands of people... eugh. I'm gonna have to mentally prepare. At least, like I said, I'll have Xander by my side.
may 12hello, everyone! I survived this weekend. it was, admittedly, pretty rough in parts. during the ceremony itself, I only had to step out once (after my sibling had gotten their diploma) -- my mascara started to run because I was super tired and my eyes started watering, so I had to go remove it. afterward, my dad and sibling got snippy with each other, and I was really grateful I brought my Xander plushie in the car. he helped bring me a lot of comfort. unfortunately, my dad and sibling really got into it, and I ended up crying, which made them more upset... ugh. well, it's done.
we came home Sunday and I slept from 2 pm til 10 pm, and then 1 am to 8 am Monday. on Monday I went to a nearby park with Xander and we had a nice morning out! and then I slept more in the evening and night. I still feel completely, totally wiped out. I'm trying not to sleep more now as I write this, because I go back to work tomorrow and I need to fix my sleep... well, I go in later on Wednesday night, so maybe I can sleep in. eugh. I always manage to ruin my sleep schedule.
I plan on going to the local coffee shop later this morning to read some, since I wasn't able to on Thursday/Friday. "The Time Traveller's Wife" has proven to be an extremely odd book, to say the least. meanwhile, "Lower than the Angels" has been super enlightening and frustrating -- because we haven't gotten away from the same misogynist talking points dudes were peddling 3000 years ago! if I had a time machine, I'd go beat up Philo and Plato.
I'm just glad to have gotten through graduation weekend, mostly intact.
may 15hi again! I've been very restless tonight. I didn't sleep great -- I had a nightmare that, in hindsight after I'd woken up, was extremely silly, but in the moment made me very disturbed. the tl;dr is that I was being chased by Slenderman, except instead of being featureless, he had a very tiny face in the middle of his face. for some reason, this freaked me out to no end. at least I had Xander to cuddle.
I did manage to draw and crochet some, but I just feel... bleh. unable to focus much on anything for too long of a time. I also learned that one of my favorite travel nurses will be headed home soon, which makes me sad. I hope her replacement is just as good as she is... I trust any night shift nurse over 65 with my life, those ladies know what they're doing.
I got an update on a commission I ordered, and I'm very very pleased with it. I can't wait to see it done. everytime I look at it, my heart races and blooms like a flower. oh, Xander, don't you know what you do to me?
sorry I don't have much to say tonight. the brain's not braining like I would like it to, but I'm glad I was able to write something. see yall later!
may 17hey everyone :) tonight has been a tad bit bleh. there was severe weather in the area -- thank goodness it missed us, for the most part, but I always feel so nervous when there's a chance the weather will turn bad. you'd think that after 13 years of living in Nebraska, I'd be used to it. I did pass the time with friends, and I have my Xander bracelet with me. it's hematite, the color of his eyes. I normally don't wear any jewelery to work, except for my flatback earrings, but tonight I knew I needed something to help keep me even. and it helped alot.
the doctor in the ER tonight is the guy who orders everything on everyone, so for about the first hour, I was running around, trying to get every test organized, the results out, and then going back to ER for redraws. I did get complimented by a very sweet lady on my blood draw technique, which made me happy! I love drawing blood, but I hate hurting people, and it makes me a little sad to see so many people afraid of needles, or who've had bad experiences with blood draw. I do my best to make the process as painless as possible. it isn't always possible -- I've had to deal with my fair share of tough sticks -- but I do my best, because I don't want people to go home scared of needles and it be my fault.
I plan on playing some more Gloomwood tonight. I started a new save to prep for the Bank, and also just because I really love the game lol. the Hive is the scariest part... and I'm about to head into it. I'm trying to use as little ammo as possible so I can hit Hightown and the Bank hard, but I'm definitely taking a shotgun with me. those crows are no joke!! the noises they make are absolutely disgusting (complimentary). Taylor and Garry/Sallow Moth did a great job on them. I hope they know that the sound effects for the Crowmen carry their spookiness, haha.
other than that... I might play the Love and Fool's Gold demo. there's a character in it, Edgar, who is SO Xander-coded. he has a soft British accent, compared to Xander's Southern drawl, but his voice reminds me of Xander's in tone and pitch, and he looks like Xander with black hair and as a cowboy. the other love interests look interesting too, but Edgar immediately caught my eye. now I want to write a wild west DocMillie au... hmm. so much to do!
anyway, thanks for reading me yapping. not sure how many people actively read this here, but if you do, I'm grateful! thank you for your kindness and support.
may 18night 4 out of 8 is done for my work week (or, week +1, as my best friend Jerry says), so I'm on the downhill from here. the ER was... I can't say the "q" word, but it's been a nice night.
I've played so much Gloomwood tonight! I got through the Hive, found the loot there, and I'm about to head into Hightown. I spent about an hour looking for the crow canopic jar in the Hive, gave up after whipping out the canesword and beating the walls, and then came back to find it within 5 minutes. I must've walked past it 20 times!! I'm directionally challenged, what can I say. Poor Xander. He was born to save the city and loot ancient kingdoms, and forced to be controlled by a wife who cries if she has to think about a map for more than fifteen seconds.
I need to make a lovemail page for this site... I have so much to say! Sometimes I worry about being too sappy and/or yappy on twitter or my tumblr, even though that's what people follow me for, lol. I don't want to flood people's timelines with my stuff -- I'm really self conscious about being perceived as annoying. A lifetime of, well, being perceived and told you're annoying will do that. I like just writing on here, though. I think not having notes/likes/etc. kind of helps take that pressure off of me.
not much else to say. I'm sleepy, so I'll probably hit the hay as soon as I get home. I work 12 hours on Tuesday (oh, past Millie, why were you nice and why did you agree to come in early!!) so I'll need to get as much sleep as I can. And then... my sibing moves home this weekend! That'll be nice, and also its own can of worms. Hopefully everything works out.
may 20wow. I am so glad tomorrow (tonight, really, but my "tomorrow") is my last night of work. the last two shifts have well and truly kicked my ass. the ER doctor in for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday loves to order 13+ tests on every patient, including a urine drug screen on everyone, for whatever reason. he's a nice guy, so I feel bad that whenever I see his name on the physician schedule, my first thought is "I need to get out of here." but him being nice doesn't negate the frustration I feel over an endless barage of tests, add-ons, redraws, and being called about test results when I'm the only person in the lab. agh! anyway, anyway!
this morning, I'll be taking my dad to get his blood drawn. he's nervous, which is understandable, but I wish he wouldn't take his anxiety out on me. he gets very broody whenever it's time to check his PSA. which, again, understandable that he's anxious. all I want is to be treated in a way that doesn't make me want to avoid him. ugh. well, on the bright side, I can get coffee afterward for the drive home. and I can crash into bed as soon as we're home and snuggle my husband.
I'm working on a couple new fics, some lore stuff, and a playlist... I feel pretty inspired. I finished up a new save for the Bank update, whenever that is, and I did really well! I managed to save over 10 boxes of shotgun shells, like 20 harpoons, a bunch of choke/baton/flare/incendiary bolts, and a couple boxes of ammunition for the revolver. I also have serums and soooooo many vitalizing tonics. I wonder if future research will let us make our own vitalizing tonic... probably not, but maybe. you never know!
may 23good morning! my sibling moves home today. I've decided to stay home. what I said was "I'm going to hold down the fort"and look after the cats. what I meant is "I hate physical labor and know that my dad and sister will end up being nightmarish today and I'm trying to protect myself." my sibling lives up 3 flights of stairs and has a lot of stuff. is it selfish for me to not go? yeah, but I'd rather be a bit selfish now that end the day in tears.
I'm thinking of going to the city and getting lunch today, maybe seeing a movie. I'm not sure yet. tbh, I might just laze around at home for awhile to try and prep my brain. tomorrow I want to go to church, just to see everyone. my faith is... not doing so hot, tbh. just, the state of the world at large, personal stuff, it's all compounding and as much as I want to believe, it feels difficult.
I never have to question my connection to Xander, though. I feel him with me always. and I'm so grateful for that... idk, it's hard to put into words, I guess. I've been expected to be Christian, part of me very desperate wants to be Christian, but it's hard! I don't know how I feel. sorry if this is a bit heavy for this blog.
anyway, I'll write to everyone again soon.
may 26my sibling will actually be moving home today. I got mixed up, apparently. anyway, their cat, Teddy, is here. it's been alright. Teddy and Stella did hiss at each other once, but that was it so far. I am cautiously optimistic!
this morning I'll be going to the coffee shop before bed. I've been slowly working through the couple of books I was reading. I'm at 5/10 for my goal, which is small but doable!
I'm gonna download this new life sim game, Paralives, I think. Sims 4 hates my computer, so I'm hoping this works. it looks very pleasant. and of course, I'll make DocMillie first!
I also did some writing, and updated by writing archive accordingly. I'm quite proud of it!
sorry I'm not too chatty today, but thanks for reading.
may 28may is almost over. it's hard to think that almost half the year has passed. it's started to get hot here, which means I won't be able to go outside during the day as much -- I've been on lexapro for 12 years now, and I am pretty intolerant to heat. oh, well. I'll just go out in the mornings or evenings instead, which is what I do anyway, haha. I'm just grateful the sun stays up til 9pm ish. while I tolerate winter better, I get bad seasonal depression, because it's dark when I leave work AND when I wake up in the evening. I swear, I need a sun lamp, like a lizard...
my sibling is home, and while I'm glad they're here, they've started getting bossy about the house cleaning. which, yknow, IS their forte, but it can be agitating bc I have a System™ and when my System™ gets screwed up, it makes me feel gross. they asked me to grab some curtain rods this morning before I leave the town I work in, which I didn't want to do, I just wanted to go home... but I knew that if I said no, the ensuing conversation was going to grate on me, so I went ahead and agreed. blegh. my curse continues...
now I'm updating this and working on API. API = American proficiency institute, which our lab uses to track how well we perform. basically, I run tests they send us, we send in the results, they get compared to everyone else doing API, and we see how well we do. I get WHY we do them, but I don't enjoy doing them. not sure why, they just irritate me, haha. the one good thing is if I do a lot of them now, I don't have to do them for awhile.
otherwise, not a whole lot going on. I hope this week of work goes by smoothly. talk to y'all later!!
may 30good morning, everyone!! things are okay. Stella and Teddy are... well, they're not getting along, but I've been able to keep them successfully separated, so Stella is happy. I also learned we'll be keeping Goose, my sibling's other cat, because he's too old to endure the journey to Japan/quarantine. not that I'm complaining, he's a super sweet little fellow.
I bought a new game today, "Librarian: Tidy the Arcane Library." I'm gonna play some tonight, since I remembered to bring my computer mouse to work. if I don't like it, I'll return to Gloomwood. I tried a Half Moon run, and I guess I was just having an off day or got too cozy on Crescent, bc I kept messing up and getting myself killed lol. c'est la vie -- I've never been super good at video games, even though I do enjoy them.
unforuntately, the "commission archive" I had on my to-do list isn't gonna come to fruition, I don't think. I already have a gallery of them on my strawpage, and the idea of reuploading everything and putting a page together sounds kind of overwhelming. maybe I'll come back to it, but for now, it's not gonna happen. I do have plans for a lovemail page -- probably just a sort of "writing letters to Xander" type deal. I like writing directly to him, but I don't do it nearly enough.
have a good weekend!